Happy Days: Without a shadow of doubt, the happiest event in the University Calendar is graduation day. The students line up with their parents and families to celebrate past achievements and look forward to the future. Sometimes they ask a guest speaker to participate. The following is from Pulitzer Prize winning author Anna Quindlen’s commencement address to Villanova University. Normally I don’t simply repeat what other people have said. But, sometimes, the original is so good that it needs no embellishment. Happy to let Anna do all the heavy lifting this week. Here’s what she said…
“It’s a great honor for me to be the third member of my family to receive an honorary doctorate from this great university. It’s an honor to follow my great-uncle Jim, who was a gifted physician, and my Uncle Jack, who is a remarkable businessman. Both of them could have told you something important about their professions, about medicine or commerce. I have no specialized field of interest or expertise, which puts me at a disadvantage, talking to you today.
I’m a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don’t ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no-one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk or your life on a bus or in a car or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul. People don’t talk about the soul very much anymore. It’s so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter’s night, or when you’re sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you’ve received your test results and they’re not so good.
Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends and them to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, at best mediocre, at my job if those other things were not true.
You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are. So here’s what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you’d care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon or found a lump in your breast?
Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger.
Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter. Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.
It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the colour of our kids’ eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live.
I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby’s ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face.
Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived”.
Wow! Mindfulness (living in the present moment) is probably the hottest topic in counseling right now. Anna’s speech addresses mindfulness in a very powerful and evocotive way. Lessons here for all of us.
Seize the day!
PS: Lighter Moments: The Will…
A BLOKE SAT IN HIS ARMCHAIR & SHOUTS TO HIS WIFE,
“WHEN I DIE I’M GOING TO LEAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU LOVE!”
SHE SHOUTS BACK…
“YOU ALREADY DO YOU LAZY JERK! ”
PPS: The Jewish E L B O W
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson whois coming to visit with his wife.
“You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301.There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301.I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, andwith your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow,hit my doorbell.”
“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”
“What . . . you coming empty handed?”
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